The More You Know - July Beach Edition

Observations from last weekend at the beach:

1.  Fractured Prune doughnuts all taste the same.  Don't spend 10 minutes staring at the menu board and holding up the line while you decide if you want the Salted Caramel or the OC Sand.  They taste EXACTLY the same.  You'll love them both.  Move along so that the rest of us can get on our way.

2.  You bitches are carrying waaaaaayyyy too much to the sand.  Are those your kids sand toys?  Oh hell no!  They will play with it for no more than 3 minutes.  The rest of the time, they're going to want to swim, dig for sand crabs, and run to the ice cream man when he rings the bell at your street.  Save the shoulder pain and pack light.  Better yet, make your man carry that shit.

No No No No No No No

3.  What's with the make-up?  I watched a woman's face literally melt on Saturday night while sitting on the deck at BJ's on the Water.  Literally.  Take a vacation from your usual make up.  You look good with that little bit of sunburn that you picked up on the beach.  Add some mascara and you're good to go.

4.  Two really important facts:  Just because you have a karaoke machine, doesn't mean that you can sing.  Also - drinking more alcohol does not make you a better singer (even if you are in a hot tub).

5.  Big thanks to PNC Bank for putting an ATM machine on Coastal Highway in Fenwick Island.

6.  Everyone in Northeastern Pennslvania takes vacation in Ocean City, MD.  None of them drive over 30 MPH.

7.  That Off!  Cutter stuff really works.  Week #3 and still no mosquitos.  Not sure what's in it (not sure I want to know), but it's pretty effective.

This coming weekend, I am going to explore the foreign shores of Atlantic City, NJ!  I'm heading to see The Who at Boardwalk Hall.  It will be interesting to see another part of the Atlantic coast (a part that I have not seen since I was a little girl) and spend a bit of time with the person who makes-me-laugh-so-hard-that-I-pee-a-little-and-always-lets-me-drive-because-he-knows-I'm-insane-if-I-don't - my super-cool husband.

I'm going to bet that there will be very few people from NE Pennsylvania in Atlantic City and I'm also going to bet that there will be no moms carrying sand toys.  I really don't know what to expect, but I'm really looking forward to it.

Meet me tonight in Atlantic City!

I'll miss my OC trip this week.  Hope you all enjoy and remember to pack light.  I leave you with this Word of the Week from the OCMD boardwalk:

Love you all!

I-See-Ums

Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that there are only a few things that will make me act like a crazy woman: car trouble, large appliance trouble, and insects.

Car and appliance trouble can usually be fixed.  Insects attack you when you're not expecting it, then leave their nasty insect juice in you to itch, swell, burn and make life unbearable.  I have developed a bug phobia of sorts.  When I see an insect, I freak out and act like I'm in the scary boat ride scene in Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory. 

Last weekend, I shared the beach with thousands of people, but the only beings that bothered me were no bigger than an a few grains of sand.  After much research, I have determined that the insects that attacked me and made my week a living hell were No-See-Ums aka Sand Flies.  According to the internet, their bites produce itchy, red welts which can persist for more than a week.

Here's a picture of a dead one ('cause I killed it)

Here is a picture of what the little fuckers did to me.  They did this to various parts of my body (some of them I couldn't post).  This is under my armpit.

These little bastards were back on the beach today, but there weren't as many of them.  Yesterday, there were none.  I'm guessing it must have something to do with the environmental conditions.   I also wonder why they took many bites of my body and none of my husband's (??)

In spite of my bug "problem", I'm going to face my fear and head back to the sand next weekend.  

The DE/MD beaches are crazy crowded right now, but everyone is being pretty cool (for the most part).  If you're heading down, take your patience with you.  You're not going anywhere quickly because of the traffic and some of the tourists really don't know where they hell they're going, which makes them drive a bit erratic.  Be cool, people.

Enjoy the week and pack your bug spray!!