Sorry Ladies - My Daddy's Taken

Now that I've had a couple of days on the sand, I can pretty much tell you how this summer is gonna go down:

1.  Man buns (are they not done yet?)
I've noticed several versions of this trend on several body types. I believe that there are only a few men that can actually pull off this look well.  Those men are not in Ocean City, Maryland.  If you're in Ocean City and you're rocking a man bun, run to the nearest barber and hack that stringy turd off of your neck. 

2.  Stupid T-Shirt Decals
What a lame year for t-shirts on the boardwalks!  Could they not come up with anything original this year?  For Christ's sake - it's an election year!

In my search for this years, "T.H.O.T." or " I'm with Stupid", all I could find was "I'm not gay, but $20 is $20" and this mess in the photo below.

Not even an option for Cutie 2, 3, or 4!

3.  Smoking On The Beach

It's illegal to light up on most parts of the sand.  But, guess what?  Nobody fucking cares!  Ocean City has removed the orange butt barrels that they had at every dune crossing last year and replaced them with some other type of small, weird ashtray that nobody will ever use.  Last week, I was sitting in the crosswinds of at least three smokers within 20 feet of my chair (which was close to the surf and not in near the designated smoking area).  All we can do is hope that seagulls shit on their cigarettes.

Where the butts should go

Where the butts will actually go

4.  Long Lines for Fried Food

Ocean City, MD is a two-faced town with different personalities at each end.  The North end is more reserved and health-conscious and the South end is for the sinners.  Since the boardwalk is at the South end, that's where everyone goes for the "bad" stuff - fudge, taffy, ice cream, funnel cake, and those ever-popular Thrasher's French Fries.  I'm not saying you can't get some bad stuff at the North end.  It's just that people are more likely to exercise it off after they eat it or, perhaps,  not count doughnuts as a food group.

In line for fries in OCMD

5.  Super Short Short Summer

My God - can shorts get any shorter?  They're not even really shorts if you can see ass cheek... are they?  Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if the short short trend didn't go hand in hand with the new really fat ass trend (can you tell I'm in a bit of a mood? It's because I was born with a fat ass 30 years too early).  Bring back the 70s style shorty shorts for men and I'll shut up.

Yup

There you have it.  My predictions for the Summer of 2016.  I'm sort of like a psychic, aren't I?  

No matter how the summer ends up, I'm really looking forward to spending as much time at the beach as possible.  See y'all in the Thrasher's line!