The more time I spend on the sand, the more time
I have to spend people-watching. I've noticed that I can categorize most of the
people on the sand in to one of 6 categories. Just for fun, I thought I'd share
them:
1. Sun Phobics: These are the people who show
up at the beach fully covered from head to toe in UV-Protective apparel. They
coat any exposed skin with sunscreen, then plop themselves under an umbrella.
I'm not judging. Being a freckled Irish girl myself, I certainly know the
dangers of sun exposure. I just think it's sort of amusing to watch an entire
family trying to enjoy themselves with the flaps of their UV-Protective hats
flying in their faces as they huddle together in the small spot of shade that
their umbrella provides. I often wonder if they take Vitamin D supplements to
offset the lack of sunlight in their lives. I also wonder how uncomfortable
those long-sleeved shirts are when they are wet with ocean water. Yuck!
2. Size 16 Squeezed In To a Size 10: This
really doesn't need a description. You know who they are. The only thing that
makes this category more disturbing is when they are over the age of 55. You
can never "unsee" that.
3. Bob the Beach Builder: This is the guy who
shows up with a canopy, cooler, chairs, blankets, towels, radio, sand toys,
boogie boards or skim boards, three tote bags, and an American flag. His "camp"
is usually set up in under 5 minutes and his 12 family members will gradually
join him at some point during the day. At any given moment you will see, under
his canopy, three women from three different generations wearing one-piece
bathing suits from Costco, a sleeping toddler, a Pittsburgh Steelers beach
towel, and at least one bag of Doritos.
4. They're Sexy and They Know It: Aaaah youth.
Tanned and taut. Haven't had their first trip to the dermatologist to have
"suspicious" moles removed, rocking their little tattoos,wearing their board
shorts slung just below their "happy trail", bikini tops tied tight against
their newly purchased breasts, and their bodies glistening with sweat and SPF
15. They don't need chairs - just a beach towel so that they can sun both
sides. Seeing these perfect marvels of nature bring back memories of the 10
minutes I was like them oh so long ago!
5. SCOPES Families: Picture perfect Mom, Dad,
and 2 kids show up with just the essentials for a fun day on the beach. Upon
arrival, they apply sunscreen to each other and the children, take a quick walk
to the water to check the temperature with their toes, kids start building
something in the sand while Dad reads the latest James Patterson, Mom checks her
cell phone, kids want to go in the water, Dad accompanies kids in the water,
they eat mandarin oranges (or some kind of beach-friendly healthy snack) while
they dry off, then pack it all up and leave the beach in less than 2
hours.
6. Beach Drinkers: It's 5:00 somewhere! This
is usually a group of couples with a few coolers full of frozen "concoctions".
They show up to the beach later in the day (after noontime) and never go near
the water unless they need to pee. As the afternoon progresses, they get louder
and more annoying. These are the people who call for pizza delivery on the sand
dune and all are wearing some sort of gold/silver jewelry. Fun to listen to
until after the third round.
I don't know which category I fit in. I'm pretty
sure that I've been in most of them at some point in my beach-going life (except
for #4 - I still have a few years to go for that one). Everybody has their own
way to "beach". And for that, I thank them all for providing me with hours of
summer entertainment!
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